As I walked through the market today, I realized I was getting looks. In produce, I got some looks. In dairy, more looks. I even got a stare or two in the bakery section, which is what finally pushed me to question what was going on. People in the baked goods section shouldn't be looking at anything other than cake. So I looked down at my overalls, my boots, and my sweatshirt, and I couldn't really see what was different about me...then I realized I wasn't wearing a hat, and I knew.
I have been doing a project on Instagram this month (@spike_of_all_trades) where I wake up, put on my glasses, take a selfie, then put it on Instagram. I was doing it so I could get more comfortable with my face. I have always had an insecurity about it, so I thought, why not do what I did with my naked selfie project?
It is day 24, and I am so used to my hair being completely wrecked, that today, I went out without really much thought as to what was going on up there. And when I looked into my mini super computer, (or, Magic Mirror), at what was going on, I couldn't help but laugh...out loud...so that added to the whole effect, I'm sure.
For so long I have been doing things to avoid this or that...avoid pain, avoid embarrassment, avoid heartbreak, avoid feeling jealous or mean, and today, standing in the marketplace, looking something like a wet chicken, I realized...I am no longer setting "avoidance" goals. I am setting goals of comfort, of resilience, of confidence, and it has changed everything. Instead of trying to move away from certain things, I am moving toward others, and the difference it has made in my life has been astounding.
I have found that it is much easier to be nice when I am not trying to avoid things. It is much easier to take care of myself. It is much easier to allow myself time to rest, to consider, and to dream into what my life can be.
I am also not taking things personally, and I am much more free with my personal time. I am allowing things to surface rather than forcing them down into the depths of my murky, silent hollow. It is scary, but in a roller coaster ride kinda way, which is also pretty exciting.
Of course, this is a new thing, and things change every day for me, but this has been a substantial change in my perspective that has created a significant shift in how I do things.
I am emerging from the darkness that had swallowed me, and with me, has come some buried memories, a few old habits, and something else...I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think it might be something like....hope.
This is where you will find my writing now. I will leave my old blogsite up for a bit while I am figuring out how to transfer it over, but from now on, I will be using this website as my blog site. Let me know what you think about that, and also, what you think about what's going on right now in the world. It's a bit disquieting, is it not?
Is an artist, a philosopher, a writer and a teacher. She will be writing random thoughts here. Follow along if you are interested.
This is the NEW Blog on Creativity. I have started it here to continue on the many years of writing I have done here and in other places. Subscribe to my Newsletter below if you want updates every time I write a blog, which will be once a week.