The days stretch out languidly in waves of breath, in and out. I have become viscerally aware of the moments that pass and have slowed my reactions down as opportunities to step away. The practice I have started is becoming more regular.
I still struggle with the flashes of rage and disappointment that spring up around absence, grief and loss, but when I feel them now, I focus on the sensations of my body and I breathe.
I know, it's not really that exciting to read about...breathing. The struggle is more interesting, more relatable. But it's exhausting. I have worn myself out with it.
Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't say I am ready to sail away into the sunset. I still feel shaky a lot of the time, I still get scared and anxious as certain thoughts pass through my head. The lessons I am learning through my body's reaction to stimulus still goes on, and I am certain there are some lessons I will learn over and over until....I don't know...death?
I will keep writing about all that..but this week..just for a few days, I have decided to just float.
Be extra good to yourself this week in the form of doing exactly what you want to do to be free. As much as you can.
Is an artist, a philosopher, a writer and a teacher. She will be writing random thoughts here. Follow along if you are interested.
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